<< endobj And I think it would be to everyone's benefit in this day and age to bestow the same grace to others that other people who are saying things or doing things that you disagree with have reasons and have a context and have feelings that make those actions or ideas make a lot of sense to them. I hope that this episode leaves you with some actionable ideas for how to increase your confidence in high-stakes conversations, and provides you with strategies for increasing your emotional intelligence and communication skills in the process. More and more we are all having to handle difficult situations and difficult conversations that we have never had to handle before. Empathy is not about agreeing with your counterpart, it is about acknowledging their perspective and what they are feeling. This person that I want to talk to about these things that are bothering me, what's probably bothering. . Why do they feel the way that they feel? I highly recommend the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Cant Stop Talking and its accompanying TEDTalk., [ Read also: 10 TED Talks for introvertsand5 big myths about introverts in IT]. /ca 1 And that's what we're doing on this show today. Then be direct. And I would invite you to go into a compassionate, empathetic stance that allows you to understand the noble intentions and the highest and best of the belief systems that create the outcomes that you see, even if those outcomes are in practice, sometimes really damaging, damaging to others. Identify relationships where its worth having these conversations and those that require clearer boundaries. And so as so often the case in so many of our conversations here on the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, one of the most important skills that you can cultivate to have constructive conversations is the skill of self-awareness, particularly as it relates to emotional intelligence. Having unresolved, unspoken differences that feel vast, and un-discussable will lead to disconnection. Learn essential skills in having constructive and productive conversations. Well, first of all, what I mentioned is having, like, assumptions that it will turn into a conflict. When someone constantly challenges your ideas, takes all the credit, or talks behind your back, it can feel like a personal attack. If you find yourself caring way too much about what someone else said or did, even when the actual impact on you is minimal, you may be in an enmeshed state. /MediaBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] No, is a complete sentence. Meaningful Alignment: Mastering Emotional Interactions at Work and in Life. /ModDate (D:20200605193749+00'00') /G3 9 0 R Although they can sometimes be quite charming, they nevertheless know how to belittle you and make you serve them. Or you can also, if you haven't already, bookmark the blog at, , because a lot of the resources that I'm going to be giving you is kind of follow ups. 9 0 obj /LW 30 Often, they get worse! We have to be courageous and brave and be the ones that bring difficult things out into the light with the people that we love so that we can have healthier, more connected relationshipsrelationships that are based on authenticity and respect and vulnerability and compassion and connection. One of the reasons I have found that people often avoid confrontation. Are you rolling your eyes without even realizing it? Nicky Clough presents Managing Difficult Situations Assertively on 27th September 12.30-1.30. to bring yourself back into a better headspace and continue difficult conversations. Also, remember that you cant control the other person the only thing you can do is control your reaction to the feedback. And I just would like to say that it is important to use discernment in your life and in your relationships to kind of assess where do you need to invest and work harder to understand, to be compassionate and connect. They can't even continue in the conversation. With the right strategies and using emotional intelligence, you can make difficult situations manageable, have productive conversations, and improve outcomes. So today we are going to be talking about why conversations feel so hard sometimes and strategies that you can use to face those moments not just courageously, but also with confidence and a sense of competence. https://insight-training.co.uk. And I would also like to add that this is hard. And I think I have the right to defend myself against people who want to take advantage of me. These kinds of conversations, this kind of emotional work is an investment in your futurean investment in the future, in the well-being of others. If you are in a relationship that is very important to you and you are trying really hard to have constructive, productive conversations, and it is just not going well over and over again, that would be an indication. 2022 Executive Coaching Connections, LLC All rights reserved.Privacy Policy. Susan Steinbrecher is an internationally acclaimed businesswoman, executive coach, speaker, and licensed mediator. That lack of skills and know-how is one of the biggest reasons whymost people tend to tiptoe around difficult conversations, OR on the flip side engage too aggressively around triggering topics, both of which can damage a relationship. /F8 14 0 R It will turn into a bad conflictual moment. Avoid common pitfalls and knee-jerk reactions in difficult conversations. P.S. To mitigate feelings such as defensiveness or anger in your conversational counterpart, it is important to maintain their self-esteem. We have to be brave and be the ones who bring difficult things out into the light with the people we love so that we can have relationships that are based on authenticity, respect, vulnerability, and compassion and connection. Have difficult conversations and not only achieve the goal, but create more trusting, connected relationships as a result, Address important yet sensitive and difficult issues with emotional composure and resilience, Successfully facilitate the emotions of others in the middle of difficult conversations. In this episode of the podcast, I'm shining a light on what it really takes to courageously engage in difficult (and necessary, and respectful, and healing) conversations with the people you care the most about. /ColorSpace /DeviceRGB Review the role of emotional intelligence in managing difficult times, Identify how to prepare for difficult conversations using an easy to follow process, Learn how empathy can help to manage emotions, Understand how to deliver feedback and constructive criticism effectively. . Run? . /F10 15 0 R That even if someone doesn't come to the same conclusions that you do about the same situation, that you feel that your perspective is understood and respected as being valid because it is. Why do I think that way? Dr. Lisa: The band is Keshco with a song that Plastic and GlassI thought a nice mood setter for our topic today. But they feel like they can't talk about who they are and what's important to them and kind of know and be known. /BleedBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] About the Presenters If we want to take that a step further and get bonus points, we could even move in to a space of appreciation that it's not just Yes, I can see why you would feel that way. It is You know what? She is energized by supporting organizations that are working to develop women for future advancement through community and meaningful education. Dr. Schaefer is the co-author of Meaningful Alignment: Mastering Emotional Interactions at Work and in Life. /TrimBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] But I think, yeah, let's go get a lemonade. Dorothy has collaborated with clients and organizations to develop and implement high-impact learning solutions that drive results. They just kind of shut down. /TrimBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] Feel free to share your thoughts by leaving a comment down below. Difficult conversations weve all had them! And that, my friends, is hard work, it really is. You can use these strategies with your partner, kids, friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, and more. Next, demonstrate how the request would likely compromise those shared values: Given the scope of the enhancement and timeframe, we would not be able to thoroughly test it before releasing it to our clients. >> If you would like resources on boundaries, how to set boundaries, how to have healthy boundaries and still have friends, how to set boundaries with family members, how to avoid unhealthy guilt when you've set appropriate boundaries, again, I would refer you back to the blog at growingself.com for podcasts and articles on all of those topics. I have learned to give difficult person some same and be very careful what you say to this person. And then, in addition to these ideas that can sort of help you grapple with conceptually what needs to happen in these moments of difficult conversations, a lot of my clients, either life coaching clients, relationship coaching clients, therapy clients, often find that it is much easier for them to have difficult conversations and be appropriately assertive when they've gotten really good at managing their emotions and going back to the emotional intelligence skills that we talked about in the beginning. I just wanted to mention that as the go-to resource so that I don't have to say it 150 times over the course of this podcast. When we can find the sweet spot between these two states, we are much better able to separate what happens out there from impacting what happens in your head, he says. /ProcSets [/PDF /Text /ImageB /ImageC /ImageI] The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". But go back to the blog at. I am the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. In emotional intelligence terms, we think of apatheia as an aspect of independence, he says. /X4 11 0 R Ensure that the conversation is based on constructive intentions and communicate those openly., Doing this consistently takes a lot of practice and emotional intelligence. endobj The first type demands understanding from the other party, stating their beliefs but. You cant bring your best to work if others are bringing you down. endobj << /Parent 2 0 R endobj Your email address will not be published. so that you enter into the conversation without too much negative energy. Seek to truly understand their point of view and their underlying thought process. I know this sounds paradoxical because often the thing that motivates us to have difficult conversations in the first place is the hope that we could be understood, that we could change somebody's perspective, that we could have a different outcome for the benefit of ourselves. I can't tell you how many clients I speak with, especially lately, who have perhaps a family member with a very vocal social media presence that is kind of diametrically opposed to their own political views. Even when someone works differently than you do for example, they are introverted and you are not it can feel hard to communicate and work effectively. If the other person is avoiding the topic, you have to take the initiative and broach the subject. They, and sometimes rightly so, believe that it'll just disintegrate into an argument because they don't know what to do to make it not be an argument. And as a couples counselor, I can assure you that when I am working with a couple and each person on opposite sides of the couch is feeling victimized and mistreated and hurt and uncared for by their partner, when you walk into their perspective, you can understand why. Unless you've already gone through communication skills training, relationship coaching, or emotional intelligence coaching, you might not know how to have a difficult conversation productively. . 10 0 obj Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby: This is Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, and you're listening to the Love, Happiness and Success podcast. And if you are going into interactions with people with very not just sincere intentions, but strategies and skills like the ones we've been talking about today, you have the right to be respected and to also be heard, not necessarily agreed with, but understood. And while that is certainly valid and generally the motivation that leads us to have courage and wade into these conversations, I would like to offer you a perspective that is much more likely to help the situation end well and lead to all of those desired outcomes. And if you have done a really good job of listening and understanding, that will be reciprocated. This is particularly true in light of the increased levels of stress and sensitivity so many of us are experiencing currently, both in the workplace and at home. So how can we be more intelligent and effective in these tricky situations, how can we be Emotionally Intelligent? Having conversations with your partner about some aspect of your sex life that you would like to have be different. A stereotypical Republican say, kind of belief system at the highest and best says something like, I am a hardworking, responsible person who I have tried really hard to make good choices and I have a pretty good life because of it. Its hard to feel happy, confident, and competent if you dont know how to believe in yourself. American Management Association is a world leader in professional development, advancing the skills of individuals to drive business success. I find that the simplest approach to dealing with difficult people and situations is to not take anything personally, Kantor continues. But if you swing too far to the other side and become dissociated, it can appear as if you dont care about other people, says Bird. We're going to be, certainly, a lot of relational issues when it comes to difficult conversations, but also I think a lot of intrapersonal issues. Now, you think that's hard? Why does EQ matter? And what it looks like is that people will withdraw and not be able to talk anymore, or they go into attack mode. /BleedBox [0.0 7.9200063 612.0 799.92] Taking apersonality quizwith your co-workers can offer great insights into how people think and work, says Egts. And if I work hard and make good choices, I should be rewarded. Like The Enterprisers Project on Facebook, A community helping CIOs and IT leaders solve problems. /Resources << With this method, Kantor explains, you sandwich your nobetween two instances of yes. He shares this example: If a business leader makes a request for a product feature or development timeline that is not reasonable, say yes to the values you hold in common that might conflict with their request: Our firm has always made quality a top priority and underpromised while over-delivering to our customers. for podcasts and articles on all of those topics. When a relationship becomes toxic or abusive. 
/Font << We have to be brave and be the ones who bring difficult things out into the light with the people we love so that we can have relationships that are based on authenticity, respect, vulnerability, compassion and connection. Learn what drives controlling behavior and the best way to handle it. I mean, there's so much. When faced with a difficult conversation, most people respond in two ways. If you are struggling with interpersonal issues at work, consider, for example, the followingoffice personalities and how you workwith them. Perhaps the first and most important thing is to recognize that your dislike of another person boils down to the feelings you have towards them, saysDrew Bird, founder of The EQ Development Group. In critical conversations, avoid triggering the fight-or-flight threat response by creating a sense of safety, says Azulay.
/Font << We have to be brave and be the ones who bring difficult things out into the light with the people we love so that we can have relationships that are based on authenticity, respect, vulnerability, compassion and connection. Learn what drives controlling behavior and the best way to handle it. I mean, there's so much. When faced with a difficult conversation, most people respond in two ways. If you are struggling with interpersonal issues at work, consider, for example, the followingoffice personalities and how you workwith them. Perhaps the first and most important thing is to recognize that your dislike of another person boils down to the feelings you have towards them, saysDrew Bird, founder of The EQ Development Group. In critical conversations, avoid triggering the fight-or-flight threat response by creating a sense of safety, says Azulay.